I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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