I cannot find my penis.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
