I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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