next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
there was a trapeze. enough said
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
