I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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