He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
my liver is dry heaving
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