My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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