My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
