I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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