don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Randomize
