I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
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