I'm laying in your front yard are you home
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
