I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
