so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
