I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
