Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Randomize
