can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I see more hoeing in ur future
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