He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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