i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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