For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
