My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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