Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
