last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Randomize
