I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Randomize
