i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
