you would pick up someone in the library
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
