Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
he was CRYING into my vagina
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
