My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
