u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
What did we do last night that was yellow?
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
