Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
