I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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