I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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