I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Even my vagina gasped.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
