so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
