last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
My breasts were aching with rage.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
