The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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