Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night�
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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