Dude my mom stole all your condoms
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
