I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
