Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
