I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
