K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
