I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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