does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
His nipple licking is glorious
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