farters have to be the big spoon...
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
