Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
