Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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