hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
