That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
