just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
