I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
