i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
