oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
How's work?
Spinning.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
