Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
