Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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