So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
