I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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