you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
