At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
