He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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