all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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