How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
