I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
