Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
