He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
