I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize
