I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
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