Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
